14 April 2016

a rusty garden ...

- a rusty garden -
One of the hallmarks of being a 'Careless Gardener' is a pile of rather expensive but rusty garden tools.  Every spring I find at least one of my favorite garden tools buried out in the garden or, even worse, sitting all alone in the bottom of a dirty bucket that sat all winter - collecting water.  

In my garden, a well-loved garden tool is a rusty tool.

While it may be wishful thinking I just felt that if I had somewhere to put all my gardening tools and gear away every fall that I could become an 'Organized Gardener' instead of a careless one.  So, with this in mind, I had a little garden shed built.

Hallelujah, now all my gardening junk has a nice dry home for the winter.

In my wildest dreams, I am uber organized and neatly put all my tools away at the end of each and every gardening day but in reality I know this will probably never happen.  At best,  I
hope that I can manage to get most, if not all, of my garden tools put away in the shed for the winter and not leave them buried somewhere in the garden.  

- time will tell -

Either way, I love my new garden shed, it's not big but it's all mine!  It's a mess right now because late last summer when it was finished being built I just threw everything in it for the winter.

Today, I will go and get it organized before I head out to the garden but before I do I want to share the DIY instructions for restoring your rusty tools.

Soak rusty tools in a weak vinegar solution. 
  1. Remove them from the solution and wipe down with paper towel to dry them, then clean the rust off with steel wool.
  2. Heavily rusted blades may need a second soaking after the first layer of rust comes off.

    'In the spring, at the end of the day,
     you should smell like dirt.'

    Margaret Atwood

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    08 April 2016

    my constant grief

    April 9th
    my day of constant grief
    it is, I have decided,  just luck
    it is not destiny, not a gift
    or divine intervention
    i was just lucky

    some are
    some aren't
    and like most things in life
    it just is what it is

    for some
    grief comes much too early
    and stains their life 
    forever a dingy white

    for me
    it came later in life
    but still,  i was not prepared
    and it was, what it was
    i could not change it

    death came - into my life
    cloaked in hushed voices
     lowlights & soft touches
    a last breath, 
     over a sea of grief

     there was no lifeboat,
    no anchor or mainstay
    and no chart 
    to see me safely through 

    'hold tight', i whispered
    as grief's savage waves & fury 
    tossed me about
    alone, lost in a sea of grief
    on the edge of time

    was it for a second, a minute,
    an eternity, i do not know
    but now,  a familiar state of emptiness
    our grief - has become my familiar
    and even as the harsh waves abate 
    and even as my grief finally settles
    it is still near
    It is always
    my constant companion

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    07 November 2015

    Sounds I Love & Noises I Hate

    the truth about sound is 
    it can be noisy

    it isn't always 
    musical or soothing

    often, it is

    noise, any kind of noise
    is pure emotion
    and it never travels alone
    it is always accompanied
    by a 

    sounds that

     keys in door
    he's home, safe

    cats purring 

    baby giggles
    happiness, joy

    sewing machine
    comfort, tradition, family

    bird chirp & chatter
    peace, tranquility

    lawn mower 
    calm, placid, home

    choir music

    falling water

    order, control, completion

    noises that
    disturb or sadden 
     revulsion, anger

    slamming door 
    fear, dread, panic

    yelling, ranting
    broken, hurt, damaged

    hostility, disgust, fake forgiveness 


    loud footsteps
    doom, anxiety, trapped

    engine 'clicking'
    irritation, defeat

    paranoid, anxious, fearful


    the sounds of life
    strung out along a musical staff 
    held together by a treble clef
    overwhelm me
    in the most beautiful way 

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    05 August 2015

    nature's music

                                    but interested

    Nature's music is never over; her silences are pauses, not conclusions.  
     -  Mary Webb -

    one the greatest things about nature
     is that it's free 
    all you have to do
     is go outside

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    20 July 2015


     about being afraid

    it doesn't run my life
    i avoid it at all costs
    i usually don't go, do, eat, drink or partake in anything that frightens me
     i scare easily
    i like safe
    i like secure
    i'm not much of a risk taker
    i've always been 
    lukewarm, not-too-deep, not-too-fast, watch out for snakes, don't open the door to strangers
    kinda girl
    yesterday, to be exact
    i decided i was too old
    to keep playing it safe
    has always been a 
    life half lived
    it is a great life, don't get me wrong
    but i've heard  it said 
    i've always lived right on the edge
     of my comfy zone that is
    never quite brave enough
    to step
    over it
    i'm ready 
    to jump in head first
    feet first
    without over-thinking
    questioning or second guessing
    i'm just going to 
    throw caution to the wind
    do the impossible
    i will
    i think
    growing old
    has made me braver
    or maybe just a little
    less cautious
    either way
    i'm ready
     to look fear in the eye
    and stare it down
    the full force of
    that my climb up the hill
    is done 
    and i'm on the downward slope 
    is suddenly
     very motivating

    10 fears i want to overcome & face before i die:

    1. speak in public. because let's face it - speaking to a crowd of one in the bathroom mirror does not count
    2. eat Indian, Greek and Lebanese food without making a face, gagging or plugging my nose
    3. go on a vacation by myself for week - in another country
    4. learn the art of small talk - meet, smile & engage strangers in conversation 
    5. give stinky cheese a fighting chance
    6. learn to speak in botanical latin and talk to my plants in their native tongue
    7. overcome my fear of heights & ride in a hot air balloon
    8. revisit and walk all the way through the roman catacombs this time and not giving in to fear and just hitting the gift shop
    9. stroll across the capilano suspension bridge, eyes wide open (tightly gripping the railing is allowed)
    10. learn sleep at home, alone, in the dark, without a cache of makeshift weaponry beside me & the door barricaded by piles of dirty laundry and luggage
    to my daughter
    you are smart 
    you are brave
    and I love you
    i wish you
    happy travels

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    06 July 2015


    and sleepless

    spent the night
    digging around in old files

    i'd haven't play with it in forever
    and i'd forgotten how much fun it is
    i was too busy strolling down 
    memory lane
    to make a new one 
    so i decided to repost
    an old one from long ago


    i found this one
    in the files
    and it brought back
    and it made me
    i still love it
    nothing feeds the soul 
    like great & wonderful memories

    it was a beautiful day 
    spent with
     wonderful friends 
    at an absolutely amazing garden


    i simply love 
    to take pictures
    of the beautiful places 
    i am lucky enough
    to stroll through
    and all the beautiful 
    nature i meet
    along the way

    Bloedel Reserve
    Therese, Patti & Nancy 

    Click to play this Smilebox slideshow

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    05 July 2015


    some days
    is a beautiful thing
    and sometimes
    it is not
    I have been lost inside myself
    my brain 
    is so full of 
    disorganized thoughts
    it hurts
    and these thoughts 
     a jumbled pile of hard rocks
    on the very edge of 
    who I am
     and when i'm in this state
    i constantly berate and question myself
    often, loudly
    what is your purpose
    what do you do
    where does your value lie
    what do you
    in my world
    i grew up believing
    that my whole worth
    my value
    was measured 
    in units of production 
    (economic production)
    and now
    with my ability to produce revenue
    all but gone
     i wonder
    what is
    the value of me 
    where does my worth lie
    and some days
    i can just barely
    tread water 
    to keep from drowning

    and as i struggle
    i tell myself
    take stock of your being
    own up to who you are
    take credit where credit is due
    beat your own drum
    pat yourself on the back
    and admit to your failures
    this is how
    you will find
    and where
    you will learn
    you are worth
    whatever you believe 
    you are worth

    10 accomplishments:

    1. raised two amazing women - i'm so proud to call them my daughters (nothing tops that)
    2. learned to forgive and let go
    3. said goodbye forever to a 15 year, pack-a-day smoking habit
    4. graduated university in a 'better late than never' fashion with honors
    5. learned to ride a motorcycle
    6. walked 60 miles in 3 days & worked for a year to raise almost $5,000 for breast cancer research
    7. overcame my fear of flying so I could visit other parts of the world
    8. overcame my fear of climbing inside an MRI machine so I could see inside my broken brain 
    9. have been successfully married for 29+ happy, contented yet occasionally dysfunctional years
    10. i can grill a perfect steak

    10 11 failures:

    1. can't make pie dough to save my life, once i wasted 2 lbs of flour trying
    2. can't follow a recipe, bake or cook great food (redemption: see #10 above)
    3. never mastered the art of public speaking, small talk or knowing when to stop talking
    4. have not yet managed to successfully controlled my weight
    5. never learned to swim properly (I could probably save my life but not very gracefully)
    6. took piano lessons for years but never learned to play
    7. received an  'A' in every math class i took but yet math still remains a mystery to me
    8. have never overcome my fear of being alone in the dark
    9. suck at following directions even while i think to myself 'haste makes waste'
    10. logic eludes me, never understood the concept of delayed gratification, struggle with strategic planning and always rush into things
    11. although once a great multi-tasker i now rarely, if ever, finish anything i start 


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