14 April 2016

a rusty garden ...



- a rusty garden -
One of the hallmarks of being a 'Careless Gardener' is a pile of rather expensive rusted garden tools.  Every spring I find at least one of my favorite garden tools buried out in the garden or, even worse, sitting all alone in the bottom of a dirty bucket that sat collecting water all winter. 

In my garden, a well-loved garden tool is a rusty tool.


While it may be wishful thinking I just felt that if I had somewhere to put all my gardening tools and gear away every fall that I could become an 'Organized Gardener' instead of a careless one.  So, with this in mind, I had a little garden shed built.
  

Hallelujah, now all my gardening junk has a nice dry home for the winter.

In my wildest dreams, I am uber organized and neatly put all my tools away at the end of each and every gardening day but in reality I know this will probably never happen.  At best,  I
hope that I can manage to get most, if not all, of my garden tools put away in the shed for the winter and not leave them buried somewhere in the garden.  

- time will tell -

Either way, I love my new garden shed, it's not big but it's all mine!  It's a mess right now because late last summer when it was finished being built I just threw everything in it for the winter.

Today, I will go and get it organized before I head out to the garden but before I do I want to share the DIY instructions for restoring your rusty tools.

Soak rusty tools in a weak vinegar solution. 
  1. Remove them from the solution and wipe down with paper towel to dry them, then clean the rust off with steel wool.
  2. Heavily rusted blades may need a second soaking after the first layer of rust comes off.

    'In the spring, at the end of the day,
     you should smell like dirt.'

    Margaret Atwood

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    08 April 2016

    my constant grief

                                           
        
    April 8th
    my day of constant grief
    it is just luck
    it is not destiny, it's not a gift
    or divine intervention
    i was just lucky

    some are
    some aren't
    and like most things in life
    it just is what it is

    for some
    grief comes much too early
    and stains their life 
    forever a dingy white

    for me
    it came later in life
    but still,  i was not prepared
    and it was, what it was

    death came 
    cloaked in hushed voices
     lowlights & soft touches
    a last breath
    exhaled over a sea of grief

     there was no lifeboat,
    no anchor or mainstay
    and no chart 
    to get me safely through it

    hold tight i whispered
    as grief's savage waves & fury 
    tossed me about
    alone, lost in a sea of grief
    suspended
    on the edge of time

    for a second, a minute - an eternity
    now a familiar state of emptiness
    grief has become my familiar
    and even as harsh waves abate 
    and even as my grief finally settles
    it is still near
    It is 
    my constant companion
    .....

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    07 November 2015

    Sounds I Love & Noises I Hate

    the truth about sound is 
    it can be noisy

    it isn't always 
    musical or soothing

    often, it is
    pushy 
    intrusive
    threatening

    noise, any kind of noise
    is pure emotion
    and it never travels alone
    it is always accompanied
    by a 
    memory

    noisesoundloudquietnoisesoundsongmusicscreechnoisesoundloudband
    sounds that
    comfort
    me

     keys in door
    he's home, safe

    cats purring 
    contentment

    baby giggles
    happiness, joy

    sewing machine
    comfort, tradition, family

    bird chirp & chatter
    peace, tranquility

    lawn mower 
    calm, placid, home

    choir music
    hope

    falling water
    endurance 

    dishwasher
    order, control, completion

    noisesoundloudquietnoisesoundsongmusicscreechnoisesoundloudband
    everyday
    noises that
    disturb or sadden 
    me
     
    whistling
     revulsion, anger

    slamming door 
    fear, dread, panic

    yelling, ranting
    broken, hurt, damaged

    humming
    hostility, disgust

    static
    irritation

    loud footsteps
    doom, anxiety, trapped

    engine 'clicking'
    irritation, defeat

    whispers
    paranoid, anxious, fearful

    noisesoundloudquietnoisesoundsongmusicscreechnoisesoundloudband

    the sounds of life
    strung out along a musical staff 
    held together by a treble clef
     often
    overwhelm me
    in the most beautiful way 
    possible





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    05 August 2015

    nature's music

                                    but interested

         
    Nature's music is never over; her silences are pauses, not conclusions.  
     -  Mary Webb -


    one the greatest things about nature
     is that it's free 
    all you have to do
     is go outside
    &
    listen
    ~

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    20 July 2015

    fear

     about being afraid
                 fearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearless

    fear
    it doesn't run my life
    but
    i avoid it at all costs
    meaning
    i usually don't go, do, eat, drink or partake in anything that frightens me
    ...
     i scare easily
    i like safe
    i like secure
    i'm not much of a risk taker
    i've always been 
    a
    lukewarm, not-too-deep, not-too-fast, watch out for snakes, don't open the door to strangers
    kinda girl
    but 
    lately
    yesterday, to be exact
    i decided i was too old
    to keep playing it safe
    mine
    has always been a 
    life half lived
    it is a great life, don't get me wrong
    but i've heard  it said 
    that
    yep
    i've always lived right on the edge
     of my comfy zone that is
    never quite brave enough
    to step
    over it
    but 
    now
    i'm ready 
    to jump in head first
    feet first
    without over-thinking
    questioning or second guessing
    i'm just going to 
    throw caution to the wind
    and
    do the impossible
    i will
    i think
    maybe 
    growing old
    has made me braver
    or maybe just a little
    less cautious
    either way
    i'm ready
     to look fear in the eye
    and stare it down
    because 
    the full force of
    knowing 
    that my climb up the hill
    is done 
    and i'm on the downward slope 
    is suddenly
     very motivating

    10 fears i want to overcome & face before i die:

    1. speak in public. because let's face it - speaking to a crowd of one in the bathroom mirror does not count
    2. eat Indian, Greek and Lebanese food without making a face, gagging or plugging my nose
    3. go on a vacation by myself for week - in another country
    4. learn the art of small talk - meet, smile & engage strangers in conversation 
    5. give stinky cheese a fighting chance
    6. learn to speak in botanical latin and talk to my plants in their native tongue
    7. overcome my fear of heights & ride in a hot air balloon
    8. revisit and walk all the way through the roman catacombs this time and not giving in to fear and just hitting the gift shop
    9. stroll across the capilano suspension bridge, eyes wide open (tightly gripping the railing is allowed)
    10. learn sleep at home, alone, in the dark, without a cache of makeshift weaponry beside me & the door barricaded by piles of dirty laundry and luggage
    and
    to my daughter
    Katy
    you are smart 
    you are brave
    and I love you
    i wish you
    godspeed
    and
    happy travels



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    06 July 2015

    smile

    and sleepless
    onesheeptwosheepthreesheepfoursheepfivesheep

    i
    spent the night
    digging around in old files
    reminiscing
    and
    rediscovering
    SMILEBOX

    i'd haven't play with it in forever
    and i'd forgotten how much fun it is
    and
    i was too busy strolling down 
    memory lane
    to make a new one 
    so i decided to repost
    an old one from long ago

    smileboxsmileboxsmileboxsmileboxsmileboxsmilebox

    i found this one
    in the files
    and it brought back
    and it made me
    smile
    i still love it
    nothing feeds the soul 
    like great & wonderful memories

    it was a beautiful day 
    spent with
     wonderful friends 
    at an absolutely amazing garden

    smilewalksharethebeautysmilewalksharethebeautysmilewalksharethebeauty

    i simply love 
    to take pictures
    of the beautiful places 
    i am lucky enough
    to stroll through
    and all the beautiful 
    nature i meet
    along the way

    WALKABOUT NO. 57
    09.20.12
    Bloedel Reserve
    Therese, Patti & Nancy 

    Click to play this Smilebox slideshow

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    05 July 2015

    ten


    some days
     life 
    is a beautiful thing
    and sometimes
    it is not
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    lately
    I have been lost inside myself
    my brain 
    is so full of 
    disorganized thoughts
    it hurts
    and these thoughts 
    like
     a jumbled pile of hard rocks
    teeter
    on the very edge of 
    who I am
     and when i'm in this state
    i constantly berate and question myself
    often, loudly
    what is your purpose
    what do you do
    where does your value lie
    what do you
    contribute
    produce
    manage
    accomplish 
     
    because
    in my world
    i grew up believing
    that my whole worth
    my value
    was measured 
    in units of production 
    (economic production)
    and now
    with my ability to produce revenue
    all but gone
     i wonder
    what is
    the value of me 
    where does my worth lie
    and some days
    i can just barely
    tread water 
    to keep from drowning

    and as i struggle
    i tell myself
    take stock of your being
    own up to who you are
    take credit where credit is due
    beat your own drum
    pat yourself on the back
    and admit to your failures
    because
    this is how
    you will find
     hope 
    and where
    you will learn
    that
    you are worth
    whatever you believe 
    you are worth


    10 accomplishments:

    1. raised two amazing women - i'm so proud to call them my daughters (nothing tops that)
    2. learned to forgive and let go
    3. said goodbye forever to a 15 year, pack-a-day smoking habit
    4. graduated university in a 'better late than never' fashion with honors
    5. learned to ride a motorcycle
    6. walked 60 miles in 3 days & worked for a year to raise almost $5,000 for breast cancer research
    7. overcame my fear of flying so I could visit other parts of the world
    8. overcame my fear of climbing inside an MRI machine so I could see inside my broken brain 
    9. have been successfully married for 29+ happy, contented yet occasionally dysfunctional years
    10. i can grill a perfect steak

    10 11 failures:

    1. can't make pie dough to save my life, once i wasted 2 lbs of flour trying
    2. can't follow a recipe, bake or cook great food (redemption: see #10 above)
    3. never mastered the art of public speaking, small talk or knowing when to stop talking
    4. have not yet managed to successfully controlled my weight
    5. never learned to swim properly (I could probably save my life but not very gracefully)
    6. took piano lessons for years but never learned to play
    7. received an  'A' in every math class i took but yet math still remains a mystery to me
    8. have never overcome my fear of being alone in the dark
    9. suck at following directions even while i think to myself 'haste makes waste'
    10. logic eludes me, never understood the concept of delayed gratification, struggle with strategic planning and always rush into things
    11. although once a great multi-tasker i now rarely, if ever, finish anything i start 

    N

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