10 January 2011

To Whom it May Concern:


- The Evolution of Man -

Dear Evolution,

Last week, while sitting at the dentist office, I started thinking about you and let me just begin by saying, I think you are amazing!

I don't know where you went to school but you sure know your stuff.

And before I forget - many thanks for all the hard work on the 'walking upright' and 'opposable thumb' projects. 
 
Both have been phenomenally successful and are very much appreciated.

Evolution, I don't envy you your job, I understand how hard it must be.

All that high-level sciencey business like survival.of.the.fittest, natural selection , adaptation & genetic drift - that's some complex & scary stuff.

One wrong move and 'pigs really could fly'!!  

And it's such a big responsibility - being the biological decider of all species of flora & fauna on this planet.

Even with the invisible hand of God to guide you, it's huge!

And no doubt it weighs mighty on you - being the one in charge of deciding who stays & who goes.

Who is genetically obsolete and who gets to try again with a bigger brain.

Heavy stuff.

And I understand you can't rush, we all know 'Haste makes waste'

Take the poor Sphinx Cat for example - I'm guessing you were probably very busy that day, multi-tasking and you just forgot the fur (you should add that to your To-Do list - 'cat fur')!

Anyway, don't feel bad, mistakes happen, nothing on earth functions at 100% all the time.

- Sphinx Cat -

I get it, I really do ... it's a process.

But, as I was saying, just last week Katy had to go in and get 4 wisdom teeth removed.  Ouch! 

And as I was sitting in the waiting room I started thinking - hey, I'm not working right now and maybe you could use a little help.

You know, to help get the evolutionary ball rolling ...

For example, I don't think a single human has used their wisdom teeth since the last time we hunted down our dinner with rocks & sticks and whipped up pot of Pterodactyl stew. 

Listen, I know you're very busy what with all that has been going on this last 100 years: climate change, GMO's and habitat destruction to name just a few, so I'll be brief - here's a little list I've put together for you to look over.

They are just suggestions really.

- 5 Stages of Human Evolution -
 
Here's a  few genetic traits that Homo sapiens no longer have any use for.

And trust me on this, I speak for all the girls - this is stuff  we don't need or want!

Okay, so lets get to work - no time like the present, right!  

  • Wisdom teeth - dental care is expensive so why bother with all that extra expense & pain when we don't even use these teeth anymore!
    •   Hairy Legs (we'll worry about underarms later).  I'm pretty sure we haven't needed hairy legs since, oh say, since before the last ice-age.   Hairy legs lost their usefulness when our cave ancestors realized  'fur' was warmer & softer than 'hair'. 
      • Facial Hair, don't even get me started on facial hair.  I mean seriously,  have women really EVER needed a hairy face.   You could save a lot of time, money, tears & angst if you would just get busy and evolve away.  
      • Menopause: OMG, what were you thinking.( *see below for further details)
      *I've recently been thrown full throttle in the big 'M' and there appears to be some reverse engineering happening here.
      I think I'm moving from Stage 5 on the evolution chart back to Stage 1.  Is that normal?  If so, why?  I also appear to be 'overheating' with regularity and my hormones seem to have sprung a leak. (I'm not expert but don't I need those?)
      To be blunt, the menopause function is SNAFU!

      I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job or anything but I think this whole
      'menopause' thing needs some major reworking.

      Well, that's it, hope it helps.

      Kate's done now so I gotta go but please don't hesitate to call me if you need further information regarding my suggestions.
      Sincerely,

      Nancy L Thomson
      Seattle, WA

      (PS: If  you have any spare time, , I could use some of those longer legs & a bigger brain)


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      2 comments:

      1. I would like to add a vote if evolution needs numbers to invoke some changes especially for the female gender. The big M needs revamping or tweaking because as is, its HHHOT and CCCOOLLD. Put your sweater on take off and plEase OPEN the window NOW!! CMc (50+)

        ReplyDelete
      2. Big Evolution Discovery !

        British professor Nigel Swiggerton of Chapsworth College has recently found a missing link in the evolution/creation debate. Everyone is familiar with the "stages of man" chart found in textbooks which begins with a naked, hairy, bent over, grunting Neanderthal type which over millions of years finally learns how to stand erect while sporting a 1930s-style haircut. Well, Dr. Swiggerton discovered that someone accidentally reversed the negative. It turns out that the first man was actually standing erect with a short haircut but has been descending over the years until he has finally reached the last stage - the stage at any rock concert filled with naked, hairy, bent over, grunting Neanderthal types!

        (above net item viewed by me! Lucy)

        ReplyDelete

      garden thoughts ...


      'I sit in my garden, gazing upon a beauty that cannot gaze upon itself. And I find sufficient purpose for my day.'
      - Robert Brault -