To Whom it May Concern:

- The Evolution of Man -

Dear Evolution,

Last week, while sitting at the dentist office, I started thinking about you and let me just begin by saying, I think you are amazing!

I don't know where you went to school but you sure know your stuff.

And before I forget - many thanks for all the hard work on the 'walking upright' and 'opposable thumb' projects. 
 
Both have been phenomenally successful and are very much appreciated.

Evolution, I don't envy you your job, I understand how hard it must be.

All that high-level sciencey business like survival.of.the.fittest, natural selection , adaptation & genetic drift - that's some complex & scary stuff.

One wrong move and 'pigs really could fly'!!  

And it's such a big responsibility - being the biological decider of all species of flora & fauna on this planet.

Even with the invisible hand of God to guide you, it's huge!

And no doubt it weighs mighty on you - being the one in charge of deciding who stays & who goes.

Who is genetically obsolete and who gets to try again with a bigger brain.

Heavy stuff.

And I understand you can't rush, we all know 'Haste makes waste'. 

Take the poor Sphinx Cat for example - I'm guessing you were probably very busy that day, multi-tasking and you just forgot the fur (you should add that to your To-Do list - 'cat fur')!

Anyway, don't feel bad, mistakes happen, nothing on earth functions at 100% all the time.

- Sphinx Cat -

I get it, I really do ... it's a process.

But, as I was saying, just last week Katy had to go in and get 4 wisdom teeth removed.  Ouch! 

And as I was sitting in the waiting room I started thinking - hey, I'm not working right now and maybe you could use a little help.

You know, to help get the evolutionary ball rolling ...

For example, I don't think a single human has used their wisdom teeth since the last time we hunted down our dinner with rocks & sticks and whipped up pot of Pterodactyl stew. 

Listen, I know you're very busy what with all that has been going on this last 100 years: climate change, GMO's and habitat destruction to name just a few, so I'll be brief - here's a little list I've put together for you to look over.

They are just suggestions really.

- 5 Stages of Human Evolution -

 
Here's a  few genetic traits that ♀ Homo sapiens no longer have any use for.

And trust me on this, I speak for all the girls - this is stuff  we don't need or want!

Okay, so lets get to work - no time like the present, right!  

• Wisdom teeth - dental care is expensive so why bother with all that extra expense & pain when we don't even use these teeth anymore!

•   Hairy Legs (we'll worry about underarms later).  I'm pretty sure we haven't needed hairy legs since, oh say, since before the last ice-age.   Hairy legs lost their usefulness when our cave ancestors realized  'fur' was warmer & softer than 'hair'. 

• Facial Hair, don't even get me started on facial hair.  I mean seriously,  have women really EVER needed a hairy face.   You could save ♀ a lot of time, money, tears & angst if you would just get busy and evolve away.  

• Menopause: OMG, what were you thinking.( *see below for further details)

*I've recently been thrown full throttle in the big 'M' and there appears to be some reverse engineering happening here.

I think I'm moving from Stage 5 on the evolution chart back to Stage 1.  Is that normal?  If so, why?  I also appear to be 'overheating' with regularity and my ♀hormones seem to have sprung a leak. (I'm not expert but don't I need those?)

To be blunt, the menopause function is SNAFU!

I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job or anything but I think this whole 'menopause' thing needs some major reworking.

Well, that's it, hope it helps.

Kate's done now so I gotta go but please don't hesitate to call me if you need further information regarding my suggestions.

Sincerely,

Nancy L Thomson
Seattle, WA

(PS: If  you have any spare time, , I could use some of those longer legs & a bigger brain)