20 July 2015

fear

 about being afraid
             fearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearlessfearless

fear
it doesn't run my life
but
i avoid it at all costs
meaning
i usually don't go, do, eat, drink or partake in anything that frightens me
...
 i scare easily
i like safe
i like secure
i'm not much of a risk taker
i've always been 
a
lukewarm, not-too-deep, not-too-fast, watch out for snakes, don't open the door to strangers
kinda girl
but 
lately
yesterday, to be exact
i decided i was too old
to keep playing it safe
mine
has always been a 
life half lived
it is a great life, don't get me wrong
but i've heard  it said 
that
yep
i've always lived right on the edge
 of my comfy zone that is
never quite brave enough
to step
over it
but 
now
i'm ready 
to jump in head first
feet first
without over-thinking
questioning or second guessing
i'm just going to 
throw caution to the wind
and
do the impossible
i will
i think
maybe 
growing old
has made me braver
or maybe just a little
less cautious
either way
i'm ready
 to look fear in the eye
and stare it down
because 
the full force of
knowing 
that my climb up the hill
is done 
and i'm on the downward slope 
is suddenly
 very motivating

10 fears i want to overcome & face before i die:

  1. speak in public. because let's face it - speaking to a crowd of one in the bathroom mirror does not count
  2. eat Indian, Greek and Lebanese food without making a face, gagging or plugging my nose
  3. go on a vacation by myself for week - in another country
  4. learn the art of small talk - meet, smile & engage strangers in conversation 
  5. give stinky cheese a fighting chance
  6. learn to speak in botanical latin and talk to my plants in their native tongue
  7. overcome my fear of heights & ride in a hot air balloon
  8. revisit and walk all the way through the roman catacombs this time and not giving in to fear and just hitting the gift shop
  9. stroll across the capilano suspension bridge, eyes wide open (tightly gripping the railing is allowed)
  10. learn sleep at home, alone, in the dark, without a cache of makeshift weaponry beside me & the door barricaded by piles of dirty laundry and luggage
and
to my daughter
Katy
you are smart 
you are brave
and I love you
i wish you
godspeed
and
happy travels



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1 comment:

  1. I like it, overcoming our limitations is always a struggle. We get good at letting fear restrict our lives - we usually stop even thinking about doing things outside our comfort zone if we're not paying attention. It's so much easier to just stay in our ruts.

    Having traveled by myself to various places on business (Rome and India stand out) I find it fun but somewhat alienating. The best part of going to India was meeting up with some locals I had met working in Seattle and having them take me to interesting places I would have never known about otherwise. Seems like that kind of addressed 2, 3, 4, and 10 on a single trip.

    Good luck, the rewards for going beyond what you thought your limits are can be pretty amazing.

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