my constant grief

                                       
    

April 9th
my day of constant grief

it is, I have decided,  just luck

it is not destiny, not a gift

or divine intervention

i was just lucky

some are

some aren't

and like most things in life

it just is what it is

for some

grief comes much too early

and stains their life 

forever a dingy white

for me
it came later in life

but still,  i was not prepared
and it was, what it was
i could not change it

death came - into my life
cloaked in hushed voices
 lowlights & soft touches
a last breath, 
exhaled
 over a sea of grief

 there was no lifeboat,
no anchor or mainstay
and no chart 
to see me safely through 

'hold tight', i whispered
as grief's savage waves & fury 
tossed me about
alone, lost in a sea of grief

suspended
on the edge of time

was it for a second, a minute,
an eternity, i do not know
but now,  a familiar state of emptiness
our grief - has become my familiar
and even as the harsh waves abate 
and even as my grief finally settles
it is still near
It is always
my constant companion
.....